Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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