Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
