Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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