Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
what day is it and did you see me today?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
