I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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