White coat. Heels.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
