i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
