i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
