why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
