Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
