awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
