i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
