I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just want nice things and good sex
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
