DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
