Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
