So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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