We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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