True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
