I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Are we still banned from the library?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
