and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
