she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
