I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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