What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
