I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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