Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
