but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
