I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My brain says no but my pants say off.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
