i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You took a bar mat shot.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
