i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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