Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
