i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
