why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
