i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
