Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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