i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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