yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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