I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
