I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
