and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
