Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
