haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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