I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
