I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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