OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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