i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
