So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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