Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
