you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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