That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
