I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
