I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
