I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
